


Romance is a Process; Love is Forever

by YertzNilo357



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Everyone Has Issues, Gay Male Character, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, M/M, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Slow Burn, Swearing, lol am i even tagging good, parody if you squint, preceding tag amused me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-11-06 00:22:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17929211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YertzNilo357/pseuds/YertzNilo357
Summary: Two people, feuding for years, slowly discover their love for each other; a love hidden beneath a pyrite facade of mutual loathing. As they both discover these feelings, the two will be made to battle and fight against the disapproval of their peers and the ominous shadow of the Dark Lord.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, my first attempt at a romance fic.

Harry Potter had spent years, living with the knowledge that one day, sooner rather than later, that he would suck off Draco.

.....Interesting thought, but it was really battle the Dark Lord, Voldemort.

Entering Hogwarts for the first time in his seventh year, he saw Malfoy, bold and blonde, like a sexy statue.

Calmly walking forward, he looked at Malfoy. Malfoy looked back.

"Hello Harry. How are you?"

 

OH MY GOD, WHAT AN AMAZING CHANGE IN CHARACTER. I must fuck him.

 

Malfoy, in disbelief that Harry hadn't greased him off, reached the conclusion that he had changed for the better and decided that, as a Veelampirewolf, he needed to breed on Harry like no tomorrow.

 

"Harry," said Draco, whose initially skinny, ferrety, vaguely wimpy appearance was changed to that of a more attractive Chris Hemsworth, "suck my dick. You're my life mate."

Harry, his body toned from years of malnourishment and Quidditch, fell to his knees. As a Floweripmaleev aka a submissive Veelampirewolf, he needed the cock. 

Ripping of Draco's pants, he was greeted by a thud on his forehead. A girthy cock, 12x10inches, was poking right in between his eyes. Deep throating the shit out of it, Harry started working solidly on the grapefruit sized testicles, massaging and softly twisting them 540 degrees, reveling in Malfoy's loud yells of "Damn fucking shit yes, I'm a masochist." 

"Gerghegertyejhger urrgghhhrr pbffftgurgurgurAHHHHH," Harry vocalised, loving the suck.

Taking off his own pants, Harry's 10x13inch dong cracked the tiles. 

"OH HARRY," Draco cried, "I am blowing my load, in your mouth. SWALLOW, SLAGFISH!!"

Gargling the cream like a mouthful of Listerine, Harry sprayed it in the air like a cum fountain. Coated in the jism, he turned and presented his cherry, ripe to pop, and pulsating, desperate for more of the delectable seed.

"OOOOOO, I want the cream and i want to have your babies. BREED ON ME, YOU BITCH!"

 "OH GOD, I WILL," ejaculated Draco, verbally.

With one strong push, he drove his enormous shaft right up Harry's arse, penetrating the cervix and going straight into his small intestine.

"OH MAN MAN MAN YES GOD HELL YES FUCK OOOO FUCK YEAH, YOU SLUT, FUCK YEAH I LOVE IT!!! HARDER GOD DAMN IT I WANT TO MAKE YOUR BABIES!"

"YEAH FUCKING TAKE IT AND MY BIG COCK! OH FUCK YOU'RE TIGHT, GOD MERLIN DICK FUCK YEAH, MY LOAD IS ABOUT TO UUUUUUUNNNNNNNLLLLLOOOOOOOOOAAAAAADDDDD."

Squealing together in mutual pleasure, Draco released his swimmers into Harry's intestinal womb. 

Cuddling together in post-coital bliss, Harry suddenly screamed in pain and shat out an egg, with hatched into a little baby.

"Hmm, he has your eyes," whispered Draco.

"Hmm, he has your hair," whispered Harry.

"Hmm, I can't wait until he's 18," whispered both Harry and Draco.

"Hmm, neither can I," whispered the baby.

And they lived happily ever after.

Epilogue

"Hermione, what in God's name just happened?"

"......I'm ignoring it and going to my room. You may join me, Ginny."

And they lived happily ever after.

Epilogue two

Voldemort licked the discharge of his fingers and slowly nodded.

"I'm so fucked up."

And he lived happily ever after.


	2. Post Discussion

"Harry, you've had enough."

The Boy Who Lived turned his head slowly, eyes bleary from the Firewhisky.

"I say when I've had enough, Malfoy."

Malfoy stood looking at him, resplendent in his beauty, gorgeous as a ---NO.

"Can I at least take seat?" the Slytherin Se- _no-_   _Sex God_ asked, lustily.

_NO, HE JUST ASKED NORMALLY, DAMMIT. IT WAS WITH A NORMAL TONE._

Harry gritted his teeth, desperate to hold back the tears threatening to escape, desperate to avoid thinking about how luscious and beautiful Malfoy's lips were--  _WHACK._

He hunched over his clenched fist, then grabbed the bottle. He drank deeply. He was thankful that Malfoy had the decorum to look the other way, exposing his translucently pale and swan-like neck.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! It can't be translucent! I-it c-can't be trans-' he broke down crying, sobbing like a child.

Draco was quiet. 

Softly, he said "Harry, I know how you feel. I don't have it as badly as you but I do know the feeling. This one I discovered and I read, you know what happened to me? The first line, first paragraph, I drop to my knees and suck off Crabbe and Goyle. I just suck them off, no build up, no narrative justification, I just start sucking. Within five chapters, I was double buggered by the fucking Weasley twins. Yes, Harry, double buggered. I mean, you're the face of this thing, so obviously you have the most pairings dedicated to you, but-"

"Have you ever been fucked by Buckbeak while the school watched? Been described as having four butt plugs shoved in your arse just to hold in his Hippogriffian seed? Have you? Have you been forced to become the sex slave of the man who killed your parents, just because some fucking weirdo thinks it's 'ermergerdsohotlawl'? HAVE YOU? WHY WOULD I SLEEP WITH VOLDEMORT, MALFOY? TELL ME, WHY?"

He hurled the Firewhisky at the wall as he rounded on the Slytherin statue of sex- "DAMMIT, I DON'T VIEW HIM IN THAT WAY! Why would I ever sleep with you, Malfoy? Who could think I would or that you would? Why am I always forced to think this way and to act how I don't WANT to just because some arsehole deems it as necessary," Harry yelled, thinking about the soft supple flesh of Draco's turgid length.

....For fucks sake. I fear I'm going crazy. 

 "...Neville........., Seamus,........ Snape,..... my own fucking Father,.... my Grandfather,... the Lestrange twins,... Lucius,.. Sirius,.. Lupin,. Pettigrew, .Hagrid,. Fang,Ernie,Justin,Dolohov,Stan,Terry, _VERNON,DUDLEY,GRINDELWALD,GRIPHOOK, AND DAMN VOLDEMORT!! AGAIN, I WOULDN"T!"_

He paced back and forth, tears streaming down his face; Draco sat and watched his mortal enemy's pain and felt his pain, a pain he had experienced, though a pain he knew Harry faced more than anyone. It was why he needed him for the plan.

"Then I get pregnant and give birth, for some reason. I mean, sure sometimes, I happily adopt and other times I  _live a life_ with my partner and  grow with them and love them and  _read_ and experience my own growth in the context of the story. But most of the time, it's just 'Harry thought ooooo, that dudes much big cok, i shud sucka dn swallow gud, yeah, ooo pump me'." Harry sighed, absentmindedly rubbing his crotch, desperate to feel Drac- _Malfoy's_ \- flesh against him, in hi--NO--IN HIM!

He spun around, ready to launch at Malfoy, to rip his clothes off and taste him, become one with him. And he saw Malfoy, before him, fighting that same inexplicable, unwanted desire. 

"Harry, I know. ALways, always, I'm with someone I don't want to be with, usually you or the Dark Lord or that bastard Weasley. Then sometimes, with the Mudblood or Longbottom. I don't WANT THEM, HARRY!! I don't want anyone," Draco cried, sliding of his seat and dropping to his knees.

"I just want to be with and live with her. I just want Astoria. That's all."

Draco cried softly, futilely wiping at the tears crawling down his face, jumping slightly when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He looked up, to Harry's face, that was so painfully, infuriatingly beautiful, his lips so plump and inviting he needed t-

Draco pushed Harry away violently, shaking his head. 

"I get that, Draco. I get with Hermione, Luna, my own Mother and sometimes randomly, my sister. If I had a sister right now and my Mum was alive, you know what I'd do? You know what I'd do? I'd fuc-No, I'd ask them how their day was. I'd see if they wanted something from the shops. i'd argue about chores, I'd ask if they fed the cat, I'd hold their hand and support them when they needed it and I would cry on their shoulders when I needed to be grounded. Same with Dad. Regardless of what some of these people out there think, I wouldn't sleep with them. For me, Draco, I just want Ginny."

"That's why we want you, Harry. We need your help, believe it!"

Harry and Draco, sworn enemies, now allies in arms, turned to the voice. A blonde man wearing orange stood there, next to a small boy dressed like a rabbit and an orange-haired teen in volleyball gear. Behind them were a multitude of others, all standing and looking at Harry, the undesired, manufactured lust glowing brightly in their eyes.

"Harry, you're the most recognisable pop culture, fanfiction icon of this generation. You have more ridiculous scenarios than all of us combined, in regards to randomly sleeping with other people, male, female, shemale, animal, robot, ninja, food, objects, trees, grass; if it can be imagined, someone has made you sleep with it. We need your support. I have a plan Harry. It's a support group for characters like us. I've had Hermione and this girl called Sakura to organise one for the women. We're going to work through these issues together, as a brotherhood and find a solution to this issue. Will you help us?"

Draco was now standing, cock perfect height to be sucked and gag on. But no, the Boy Who Lived, shook his head.

"I'm not sure if I can help and I'm not sure how hard this will be....but I've never backed away from a challenge. I've fought tooth and nail to survive. And I'll be damned if I don't try. I'll lead your support group."

The Most Iconic Literary Character of the last 30 years looked up, the weight of hundreds of millions of words weighing him down, much like the billions of LOADS he had taken from the plethora of cock those same words had made him take. But he was Harry Potter and he would fight. 

Always.

 

Epilogue

And thus, the Collective of Unified Men, the brotherhood of support for all male characters, literary or otherwise, made to engage in acts without their consent, was formed.

As the crowd cheered and looked on at the bright green eyes of their first among equals, they all thought the same thing.

_'Those eyes would be be even greener when surrounded by my sperm.'_ And thus, they re-doubled their cheering, to at least block out those thoughts.

 

Epilogue 2

"So, I'm Hermione and this is Sakura. We will facilitate this discussion group. Welcome to Purposefully Managed Support. Please ignore the acronym, the author is a fucking virgin and thinks it's funny. Please, tell us what you've experienced."

 

Epilogue 3

Voldemort licked the discharge off his hand.

"Man, I really am fucked up."

THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you actually got this far, sorry for wasting your time. I found this very amusing to write, even though it's pretty terrible. Night.


End file.
